Monday, May 07, 2012

Sue Profile 002: Jo Bele Puttr

Jo bele Susie lilee Puttr
Jo Bekke at Hugwrts is the new My Immortal, written by Jo Bel (fortunately, her account has been deleted by the FFN dudes...), some person who hates on Northerners, gay people, and blacks. It is a fanfic that features Jo Bel herself as the self-insert Mary Sue main character who spends her days killing off innocent Northerners. It's a really disturbing, vile fanfic that makes My Immortal and One Less Lonely Gurl look like they were written by stupid prepubescent tweens. (Note: I have nothing against prepubescent tweens. It's just that the internet is brainwashing us to think that they are all stupid when they are not. More on that in my next blog post, unless I choose to continue commentating on my own trollfic. Also, both of these fanfics are trollfics written by Todd and I, respectively, just for the lulz.)

Fun fact: Tara himself, yes... himself, actually commentated on this horrid story. His real name is Todd, as I've said. I'm still skeptical about this though, but if he's telling the truth, than he's the most epic troll the internet has ever known. See the link for yourself.

Another fun fact: When I was drawing my interpretation of Jo Bele (picture above), I realized that C'ren Bieber is much more gorgeous than her. Yes, really. Maybe it's because C'ren is my OC-Sue no matter how much I abhor her personality. At least C'ren can make sense... sometimes.

Now for her ridiculously offensive character profile...
(Disclaimer: I donut, er... don't own this horrid fanfic, fortunately. But then again, I also don't own this Harry Potter thiny, I mean, thingy. Dis... this is just a fan-made character profile OK? Also, if you are offended by her character profile, please be reminded that the fanfic that this character is in is even more offensive. Also, kindly correct me if there's anything wrong in the character profile. I haven't completely read the failfic yet because I value my sanity.)

Basic Statistics

Jo Bele Susie Lilee Puttr, Jo Bekke, Jo beke, Jo Bel, Jp Bekke, Jpo Bel... I give up on listing it all.
(Her name is spelled with so many different varieties and inconsistencies that they're not even funny anymore! At least Ebony is more consistent and humorous. Enoby! Ebooby! I need you!)
11? 12?  
(Man! What is happening to the kids!? Even if s/he is a troll, this is still an epic fail. Even Tara/Todd thinks so. Enoby forevarrrr! MCR rox! Actually, I agree. MCR rocks.)
Southerner? Obviously.
Socioeconomic Level as a child:
Socioeconomic Level as an adult:
I don't think she's even an adult yet!
Sutth Carulia (South Carolina?)
Current Residence:
Hugwrts (Hogwarts)
serial killer (of Northerners)
killing, magic (She can teleport at 11! According to canon, she can't do that until she's 17!)
Birth order:
Harry's twin sister. (I think.)
Siblings (describe relationship):
Haree/Harry is her brother
Spouse (describe relationship):
Children (describe relationship):
Grandparents (describe relationship):
Grandchildren (describe relationship):
Significant Others (describe relationship):
Donald/Darryl (who is also a Gary Stu! Maybe I should make a Sue Profile for this one too.)
Relationship skills:

Physical Characteristics:

unknown, but probably tall.
unknown, but probably anorexic.
Southerner! Duh!
Eye Color:
diamond blue, green, or yellow.
Hair Color:
durty blond (dirty blonde)
Glasses or contact lenses?
neither! Of course she will show off her oh-so-gorgeous eyes that change color!
Skin color:
probably white, but I decided to give her a tan complexion in the artwork because Southerners love to get a tan, as far as I know... (I don't mean to be racist here, okay? Sorry if I offended anyone, but man, this fanfic is vile!)
Shape of Face:
probably oval or heart...?
Distinguishing features:
most likely her eyes that change color
How does he/she dress?
no idea. I just made up her clothes in the artwork...
hating on Northerners!
Habits: (smoking, drinking etc.):
no idea.
mental health? Not so great.
killing Northerners!
Favorite Sayings:
dum Northerners!
Speech patterns:
misspells words and uses horrible grammar a lot! She pretty much rapes the English language. Also says 'cull' instead of 'cool.'
she's worse than dyslexic!
Style (Elegant, shabby etc.):
most likely slutty... she makes C'ren look like a prude!
Greatest flaw:
everything else about her besides her looks!
Best quality:
physical appearance, probably.

Intellectual/Mental/Personality Attributes and Attitudes

Educational Background:
Hogwarts student
Intelligence Level:
below sea level.
Any Mental Illnesses?
she's insane!
Learning Experiences:
Character's short-term goals in life:
kill Northerners!
Character's long-term goals in life:
kill MORE Northerners!
How does Character see himself/herself?
the best
How does Character believe he/she is perceived by others?
the best
How self-confident is the character?
very, to the point that C'ren looks like the most modest person ever.
Does the character seem ruled by emotion or logic or some combination thereof?
her screwed-up emotions!
What would most embarrass this character? get mistaken for a black, gay Northerner? Probably...

Emotional Characteristics


strengths: agility (as said in chapter 1), powers of seduction
weaknesses: horrible English!
Introvert or Extrovert?
How does the character deal with anger?
physical violence
With sadness?
With conflict?
With change?
With loss?
more violence!
What does the character want out of life?
get rid of all 'dum' black, gay, Northerners!
What would the character like to change in his/her life?
the fact that Northerners exist?
What motivates this character?
to see the day when there are no more Northerners?
What frightens this character?
What makes this character happy?
killing Northerners
Is the character judgmental of others?
obviously yes! C'ren is so much more tolerant of others!
Is the character generous or stingy?
probably stingy
Is the character generally polite or rude?

Spiritual Characteristics

Does the character believe in God?
I don't think so.
What are the character's spiritual beliefs?
gays, blacks, and Northerners are evil!
Is religion or spirituality a part of this character's life?
I don't think so.
If so, what role does it play?
Nothing, I guess...

How the Character is Involved in the Story

Character's role in the novel (main character? hero? heroine? Romantic interest? etc.):
Scene where character first appears:
chapter 1

Relationships with other characters:
1. Haree/Harry: -- brother
2. Harmony/Hermione: --
has a secret that is never revealed.
3. Everyone Else: --
they are all her private cheerleaders unless they are gay, black, or Northerners.

How character is different at the end of the novel from when the novel began:
No idea. I haven't finished reading this yet.

Additional Notes on This Character: 

Mary Sue Score: another whopping 149 points!
I did my best to imagine that I was Jo Bel, answering each item based on his/her screwed-up point of view. Okay, she is just as much a Mary Sue as C'ren is, but she makes C'ren look like a well-developed character! At least I spelled C'ren's name consistently throughout the fanfic! I think this score could be higher, though... if only I could understand what she was trying to say with her horrible grammar, spelling, and random plot that was just pulled out of her pet donkey! (I have nothing against donkeys though!)

This is me and my imaginary frenemy/alter-ego Monica after this Sue analysis.

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