Sue Profile 004: Fenuella Swan

Fenuella Sarah Jessica Parker Sheen-Swan

When I was still writing my trollfic, I was expecting that all my reviews would, of course, be flame reviews. (I did get a kick out of people getting annoyed over nothing, but the kick got old soon enough when I had to start arguing with people who actually share my personal viewpoint.) However, there is this person who got mad at me over having a fanfic that shares a title with hers.

This is a screenshot of the review:

Actually, titles are not covered by copyright.

Proof?

"The good news is that song titles are not copyrightable. The Code of Federal Regulations provides that: “words and short phrases such as names, titles, and slogans” are “not subject to copyright and applications for registration of such works cannot be entertained.” 37 C.F.R. § 202.1(a). Case law confirms this, although at least one case suggests that a title that is completely fanciful and arbitrary, such as “Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious,” might be entitled to copyright protection. However, that does not seem to be an issue here because you have suggested the title is a common phrase. Moreover, because the title is a common phrase, it would not be entitled to copyright protection even if song titles could be copyrighted because in order to obtain a copyright, the work must be original. Therefore, you should not be held liable for copyright infringement for using a song title as the title of your movie. The bad news is your movie title will not be copyrightable either."

I don't think that One Less Lonely Gurl/One Less Lonely Girl is copyrightable because many fanfics have already used this phrase as a title. Justin Bieber has never sued any of us, however, no matter how awful most fanfics with this title are. I did apologize to her over something that isn't my fault at all, then she gave me a rather unexpected positive review on my story, trying her best to back me up despite all the flame comments that my story actually deserves.

Now, without further ado, the Mary Sue of the other One Less Lonely Gurl, Fenuella! She has got to be the most annoying-looking sue I drew so far. Just becose...

Basic Statistics

Name: Fenuella Sarah Jessica Parker Sheen-Swan (which was at least spelled consistently)
Age: 17?
Nationality: Iranian/Quebequstanian
Socioeconomic Level as a child: most likely rich
Socioeconomic Level as an adult: not yet an adult
Hometown: someplace in Iran
Current Residence: Forks
Occupation: student
Income: n/a
Talents/Skills: acting
Salary: n/a
Birth order: ?
Siblings (describe relationship): ?
Spouse (describe relationship): ?
Children (describe relationship): ?
Grandparents (describe relationship): ?
Grandchildren (describe relationship): ?
Significant Others (describe relationship): ?
Relationship skills: "shy around hot guys"... oh really?


Physical Characteristics:

Height: probably tall...?
Weight: probably thin enough...?
Race: Iranian/Quebequistanian human 
Eye Color: sapphire like ultraviolet gems (blue)
Hair Color: blonde with blonde streaks (does this even make sense?)
Glasses or contact lenses?: Neither! Her eyes are like ultraviolet gems!
Skin color: tanned
Shape of Face: whatever the face shape of Sarah J.P. is?
Distinguishing features: everything about her?
How does he/she dress? 'modestly', but then she says her French designer singlet shows off her boobs 'becose' it's French? WTF?
Mannerisms: makes fun of people with Down's Syndrome
Habits: (smoking, drinking etc.) ?
Health: ?
Hobbies: praising her own good looks
Favorite Sayings: "Never say never!"
Speech patterns: just becose... (spells 'because' as 'becose')
Disabilities: huh? She's a Mary Sue!
Style (Elegant, shabby etc.): falsely modest
Greatest flaw: prejudice
Best quality: looks?


Intellectual/Mental/Personality Attributes and Attitudes

Educational Background: High School
Intelligence Level: probably below average... although Jacob says at one point that she's actually smart, but that argument has been disproved since Chapter One.
Any Mental Illnesses? she's insanely prejudiced!
Learning Experiences: huh?
Character's short-term goals in life: Edward Cullen!
Character's long-term goals in life: What long-term goals? Er... Edward Cullen!
How does Character see himself/herself? the prettiest
How does Character believe he/she is perceived by others? the best
How self-confident is the character? no doubt, very! To the point that she's becoming very narcissistic!
Does the character seem ruled by emotion or logic or some combination thereof? What's logic?
What would most embarrass this character? probably if she's caught dead wearing a burqa...


Emotional Characteristics


Strengths/Weaknesses: 
-strengths: looks 
-weaknesses: prejudice
Introvert or Extrovert? extrovert!
How does the character deal with anger? bitching
With sadness? still bitching
With conflict? more bitching
With change? continual bitching
With loss? relentless bitching
What does the character want out of life? Edward Cullen!
What would the character like to change in his/her life? the fact that Edward loves Bella?
What motivates this character? Edward Cullen!
What frightens this character? if she has to wear a burqa for the rest of her life?
What makes this character happy? Edward Cullen!
Is the character judgmental of others? very!
Is the character generous or stingy? generous with the 'word' 'becose'
Is the character generally polite or rude? RUDE!


Spiritual Characteristics

Does the character believe in God? she implied that she's Muslim, so probably yes...
What are the character's spiritual beliefs? huh?
Is religion or spirituality a part of this character's life? not really
If so, what role does it play? nothing much


How the Character is Involved in the Story

Character's role in the novel (main character? hero? heroine? Romantic interest? etc.): heroine/romantic interest
Scene where character first appears: Chapter 1

Relationships with other characters:
1. (Fictional) Charlie Sheen: -- uncle
2. Bella Swan: -- cousin
3. Edward: -- romantic interest
4. Jacob: -- other romantic interest?
How character is different at the end of the novel from when the novel began: ...and life was pretty spankin' indeed! (although I'm not really sure if this is the real ending. She hasn't updated this thing in a long time.)

Additional Notes on This Character: 
Mary Sue Score: 109... still a Sue.


Post-scripts:
-Fanfiction 'writer' xXicarlygurlXx posted on her profile that her similarly horrible stories were just a joke, so it's possible that this story is also a joke, considering the fact that Neva is allegedly friends with her.
-If this holds true, then this fanfic is a work of trolling genius. Neva also made a good point about sexism in Twilight (Chapter 3), although her fanfic is still very racist and prejudiced against people with Down's Syndrome.
-This fanfic has got to be one of the funniest badfics I've ever read. Just becose...