Sunday, May 13, 2012

One Less Lonely Gurl: Chapter 7

As soon as we got to the Krustry Krab, all eyes were on me again and everyone dropped their patties, mouth agape.

(Mary Sue trait: when everyone stops what they are doing just to look at her and admire her beauty)

So did that grumpy-looking guy with very short, light blue hair and a big nose at the counter.


You have got to be kidding me.

"Oh, C'ren," Bob said. "By the way, this is Ward. He's the cashier here."

Ward is actually a character in Final Fantasy VIII.

(Another fun fact: Laguna is a character in Final Fantasy VIII who is friends with Ward. Also, Laguna is the name of the province in the Philippines where Jose Rizal, the Filipino national hero, was born. Anyway, back to the story.)

"Whoa! Bob!" an older man with red hair and a blue button-up shirt

(Guess who?)

said as he went out of a door at the leftmost part of the restaurant after hearing about the commotion that happened as soon as I entered the building. "Who is this beautiful girl? Is she your new girlfriend?"

"Girlfriend?" Bob replied. "No, silly. This is my new friend, C'ren. By the way, C'ren, this is my boss, Eugene Krabs."


(Congratulations on getting subject-verb agreement wrong! Wait, was it that grammar lesson? Eh, whatever...)

on your new girl, dude," another red-headed man said. Unlike Eugene, he was bigger and more muscular. He was somewhat like a beach bum.

"Larry," Bob said. :"Didn't you hear me? I said C'ren is not my girlfriend. She's just a friend of mine I met yesterday."

(What's that colon doing there?)

"Oh, by the way, Bob," Eugene said sternly. "Get back to work."

(Krabs acting in character...)

"Hello," Eugene, this time, said to me in a way that he wants to hit on me.

(...or maybe not!)

I decided to run as fast as I can because the mere thought of him creeped the hell out of me.

(Rape scene commence!)

I went out of the building

(Or maybe not. The mere thought of it disgusts even Monica herself that she/I decided not to write that scene anymore. C'ren getting raped by her half-brother is more than enough. At least she/I didn't completely ruin a kids' show by adding a rape scene in the story's events... excluding flashbacks.)

and, because I was trying too hard to swim away from Eugene that I hardly notice where I'm going, I got straight into this other building which looked so desolate and empty.

(Guess where?)

"Hello? Where am I?" I said as I looked around and saw what seems to be a restaurant just like the Krusty Krab, only there are no customers. Just layers and layers of dust. My voice echoed through the room.

"Is somebody there?" A deep, manly voice said.

(Guess who?  Hint: He's the main character in my current fanfic. He's short just like me and we share names. Coincidence much?)

You have got to be kidding me, too.

 "What would you like to buy?" He went out of his room. He was a short guy with green-gray hair and crimson eyes. He was wearing clothes that are the same color as his hair, perhaps to make himself look taller.

(It's true that wearing monochromatic outfits can make you look taller. Unfortunately for me, if it's true that height is the biggest determinant of physical attractiveness in males, then I must be very ugly. But do I give a shit? Maybe... Actually, I've been doing my best to answer that goddamn question with a resounding, honest NO.)

"Oh, it's you," he said. "C'ren? I heard all about you from the commotion outside. I was one of those who actually asked for an autograph from you.

(He's a fanboy too, and he got squished in the stampede because of his short stature. Fortunately, that same kind of thing did not happen to me when I saw A7X live. In fact, I got swayed by the mosh pit towards the front row. :))

By the way, I'm Sheldon.

(James Plankton.)

As I said, do you want to buy something?"

"Uhh..." I said hesitantly as I remembered watching in the TV back in the upper land that Sheldon is a horrible chef and that his food might make me sick. "Sure, whatever."

I gave him some money so that I can really see if 'chum' is really such a horrible thing.

(Fun fact: Chum is actually used as fish bait and is made of the fish parts that humans don't normally eat.)

He gave me a stick of the stuff. It was red and gooey. It has some semblance to a krabby patty, but it's just that the patty batter has been moulded into something that looks like a popsicle stick.

(At least this was kept in canon.)

As I placed the stuff into my mouth, I just wanted to spit it out. But then, even if it is horrible, I don't want to make him feel bad about his cooking, even if it is bad.,

(Just like the people who have read this fanfic and thought I was serious. They then did their best to give constructive criticism instead of flaming. Thanks anyway.)

"So, what do you think?" he asked.

"It's actually pretty good," I replied insincerely.

(Another Mary Sue trait: Being able to survive after eating chum. On another note, I almost committed a ridiculously hilarious typo when my fingers skipped the letter H in 'chum'. Good thing I actually proofread my work triumelephantly.)

"Well, looks like I get a day off today!" the pink fire extinguisher said in a sigh of relief upon noticing that there are no rude author's notes for this chapter.

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