Thursday, May 31, 2012

One Less Lonely Gurl: Chapter 12

Just add candles.
[Jimmy's Note: The fanfic has recently been deleted. Thankfully, I was able to preserve all my reviews in screenshot form. Yes, I'm that crazy.]

As both of us went in the Krusty Krab, we both signed autographs for the people who were eating there while Justin's bodyguards helped us keep secure. Mr. Krabs went out of his office and politely escorted us to our table which looked like it had been reserved for us. It was on a raised platform, had a white tablecloth, and on top of it were pink roses in a crystal vase. There were also three scented candles with different shades of pink on top of the table,

(Nope, the candles are on top of the chairs, and little did C'ren and Justin know that their butts would get burnt. Oh, wrong story!)

but not near enough the roses to burn them.

(We get it. Everything is pink [or white] for C'ren. But with Ebony, everything is All Black.)

Bikini Bottom actually has a special form of flame they discovered long ago in their history that was resistant to water but can be extinguished easily by enclosing it in a container just like normal land fires.

(Real explanation: Bikini Atoll (where the show is located, not Atlantis as in this fanfic...) has four vents a few miles away. This could make fire underwater possible. -Spongebob Wiki)

Also, the underwater flames

(Geddit? Flames? Reviewers?)

do not really grow very big.

(But in this fanfic, they did.)

"Here you go, C'ren and Justin," Mr. Krabs said as he pulled the chairs for both of us like a gentleman would.
Ward was there with his clarinet ready. As I sat down, Justin started to sing my favorite song, One Less Lonely Girl.

(Title drop number one! And 'girl' is spelled correctly!)

Even if Ward was convinced that he was an untalented clarinet player, I actually thought he is pretty good. 

(TV Tropes actually agrees. Check the folder under 'Western Animation' and look for the one about Spongebob or Squidward.)

I was surprised about all of these things.

"I prepared this surprise for you," Justin said. "Now, let's eat."

"But I thought you said you will not be able to eat at all because you can't take off your helmet," I said.
"Anything for you, sweetie," he said. "As a matter of fact, my suit is equipped with an apparatus that allows me to insert food into my suit for me to eat later while still wearing my suit. This suit is still a prototype, though, so I can only eat smaller foods such as grapes.

(Oh, shit! What's in the bucket? What's in the bucket but a bucket of shit, but a bucket of grapes? And grapes in the mouth, grapes in the mouth make you happy down south, make you get a big boner what ya gonna do! Sorry, can't resist! Anyway, in case you were wondering what that was all about, that was The Rev being funny.)
When I come back, I'm gonna be the knife master!
But just for you, I'm willing to test his suit

(Whose suit? Well, actually this is a typo. It should have been 'this' and not 'his'.)

if it can handle Krabby Patties."
We started to eat. We also talked about life in general, music, and ourselves.

(Talk about narcissistic!)

This is my first date, and of all the people I can have it with, I am ever grateful that it's with the one I always wanted to have, and of all places in the world, it's actually in a place I've always wanted to be in- far away from my past and all the pains and worries of the land above. The waters down here seemed to have effaced all traces of sadness in me if any of that is left at all. Down here, I can feel the ocean absorb the sun's rays everyday and transform it into a rainbow that adds color to my every day and heals my broken spirit.

(Purple prose returns!)

"Everything is going as I am planning to,"

(Everything is going as I have planned.)

I thought to myself as the grin that is already formed on my face becomes more intense.

(Cheshire cat smile taken up to 11!)

"This is going to be great. If I can make Justin Bieber mine forever, my grand scheme of things will unfold the way they should. Time for the next step."

(Cha! Hahahahaha!)


[AN: I did not call any of you guys as hypocrites. I was just kindly correcting the spelling of an online friend

(NeVa.say.Neva2, whose account already got deleted.)

here who is trying to stand up for me by actually telling you guys to use correct spelling and grammar. As I can see from my later reviews, there's nothing for me to correct at all.

I've been doing my best lately to improve the writing of this story and all... and neither did I call you jerks. I'm still busy fixing the story and giving it some more depth and plot one paragraph at a time.]

(This was the only author's note when I mean everything here besides the disclaimer in chapter 1 and the grand finale. I actually decided to try and redeem this trolffic as a whole new challenge [and I was still supposed to confess on the 69th chapter, {reference to 69-chapter badfic Naruto: Veangance Revelaitons is a coincidence on my part} but failed horribly when I decided to give up earlier] when I gave up on the horrible grammar and spelling altogether, althought there are still typos in places. [See what I did there?] That's why, rude author's notes aside, there are noticeable improvements in the writing style of the fanfic. Turning C'ren into a villain in the later chapters is the sign that I actually don't like her at all. By this point, I'm already about to lose my mind. But because I value my sanity, I eventually gave up 15 chapters later, not including my final author's note for this fanfic.)

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