Thursday, May 17, 2012

One Less Lonely Gurl: Chapter 10

A room in an awesome underwater hotel in Istanbul.
Backstage, Justin has an awesome pad (a submarine) where he could freely take off his underwater breathing helmet. It had beautiful views of the fish freely swimming about, the coral reefs of different colors, and the waters that were as blue as my eyes.

(The eye comparison ruined an otherwise good description of the sea.)

"Say, are you C'ren Amethyst?" he asked. "That girl who actually won an Olympic medal for swimming? That girl who shares my last name? How in hell can you even hold your breath underwater without needing a helmet?"

(One logic point for Justin!)

"No idea," I replied. "I just discovered this cool power when I first submerged myself in a pool, back when I first took swimming lessons."

(When you are dreaming, chances are you'll dream about superpowers. The most common one is the ability to fly.)

I see. Interesting. (Read this in HP's voice.)
"I see. Interesting," Justin said.

(Justin doesn't sound impressed. I can totally imagine him saying that line the same way that the Fairly Odd Parents pixies say all their lines.)

"So, I heard that there's great food down here called a Krabby Patty, but how will I even eat it without having to take off this stupid helmet?"

(One more logic point for this story!)

"I'll think of something. Besides, I would love you to stay here. With me," I replied.

(Yandere alert!)

"I'm sorry, but I will have to go soon," Justin replied sadly. "I have a tour schedule. I guess I'll just order a Krabby Patty for take-out or something."

(At least he made sense here.)

The next day, it was all over the news that Justin Bieber's submarine engines broke,

(Guess why. All will be revealed in the next chapter. Well, you probably know this already if you've read chapter 11 already.)

and that he will have to swim all the way back to the lands without it. I rushed to the scene where he was and told him in a worried way that it's too dangerous to go back up there.

(But with C'ren around, it's more dangerous underwater for Justin.)

"Maybe you're right," he replied. "Perhaps I'll just stay here for just a little longer."

I smiled as I hugged him. I thought of a grand scheme that will finally make him mine... forever. No matter what it takes.

(C'ren McBiebCraze strikes again!)


My true review reply: I'd think the same if I wasn't the writer of this horrid fanfic. I actually wrote this fanfic out of curiosity as to why people would broadcast their stupidity over the internet. You guys have helped me to somewhat regain my faith in humanity by giving me constructive criticism and attempting to help. Part of the challenge is to not listen to you and all other people who just want to help. That is what makes me lose faith in humanity, because there really are some people who are serious about writing badfic and refuse to listen to constructive criticism. They are the ones who have big dreams to be the next big bestseller but don't 'eat humble pie' (said by another reviewer) once in a while. A very wise man once said that to build a tower, one must dig foundations deeper into the ground. The higher the tower is, the lower into the ground the foundation should be lest the tower collapse. Another wise man also said that the only job where one starts at the top is with digging a hole. Well, I think you get my point.

On the other hand, there are the people like me who aren't really serious about writing. I have realized through this fanfic that bad fanfiction gets more attention than the numerous good fanfics that barely have any reviews. With the modern mentality that 'bad is the new good', I've figured out that the only reason why otherwise okay writers would intentionally write horribly (besides my reason: curiosity; and Todd's reason: as an outlet for his anger) is the attention.

And yeah, she is perfect... in her dreams. And her past is tragic because her half-brother raped her. Her half-brother didn't mean to torment her with the music; in fact, he wanted the opposite to happen. He wanted to somewhat alleviate her pain when he made her listen to GD and A7x. She took it the wrong way, though.

I actually cringe every time I would say something about Justin Bieber and against the bands I actually love. (Yup, I actually love all the bands I've dissed in this fanfic all in all.)

[AN: To my reviewers, if you're being all so pedantic

(My usage of this word is a sign that I'm a troll.)

about grammar, at least do it properly when doing your pathetic attempts to try to give a critique to my story, you terrible excuse for a reviewer/grammar Nazi. Also mind your ive and I've. It's 'you're' or 'you are', not 'your'. At least I'm smart enough to know that.

(In reality, I am a Grammar Nazi. Bad grammar is one of my pet peeves.)

That's you, The-Time-Controller.

(...who now changed his/her username.)

Lotsaluv from Monica.]

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