Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Sue Profile 006: Ronan Beelzub

Ronan Beelzub (Beelzebub)
This is Ronan Beelzub, the Gary Stu in the notorious Naruto fanfic Naruto Veangance Revelaitons. The fanfic was written by someone called Jake Tanner, a 14-year-old (as of the time I am typing this blog entry, and was it 15? Not sure. Either way, the guy is younger than me.) dude who is high on drugs. The story is also quite misogynistic, and it completely twisted the Naruto universe into Jake's twisted little wonderland where all the girls go around in double L-cup breasts and... never mind. Saying more would mean I will have to put an adult content tag on this blog. It is the vilest story to exist on earth since Marquis de Sade's The 120 Days of Sodom. This fanfic also makes 50 Shades of Grey tamer in comparison.

Anyway, I will MST this fanfic, and the link to the MST will be posted soon. But I'm already saying this beforehand: the blog will have an adult content warning. But before that, a character profile: (WARNING: NSFW. Viower excretion advisd.)

Basic Statistics

Name: Ronan Beelzebub (Sometimes misspelled Roman, Rinan, Riman, Ronana, Jaronan... and Beelzub.)
Age: 13, disturbingly.
Nationality: American
Socioeconomic Level as a child: he's most likely rich
Socioeconomic Level as an adult: not yet adult
Hometown: somewhere in America
Current Residence: Konohagakure
Occupation: warrior, rock star
Income: ?
Talents/Skills: singing (he thinks so), martial arts, seduction
Salary: ?
Birth order: probably an only child? I haven't read the entire story yet.
Siblings (describe relationship): ?
Spouse (describe relationship): Sakura, Taliana, Mandy (polygamous, abusive)
Children (describe relationship): Ekaj (Ekaj will be another Gary Stu in what would be the sequel to NVR, which is New Champion Evangelion, which is a Neon Genesis Evangelion fanfic. Also, Ekaj is an inversion of Jake.)
Grandparents (describe relationship): ?
Grandchildren (describe relationship): none
Significant Others (describe relationship): See spouse.
Relationship skills: abusive

Physical Characteristics:

Height: 6" (according to the text, but I'd honestly prefer to think that Ronan is six feet tall because of the descriptions that will follow...)
Weight: has a fat, 2-foot hotdog that has a lot of mayonnaise on it. (Just read the actual fic. It's in chapter 1)
Race: American
Eye Color: blue
Hair Color: blue
Glasses or contact lenses? neither
Skin color: probably fair
Shape of Face: probably oval or squarish
Distinguishing features: the 2-foot hotdog and his 28-feet (inches?) biceps, and 'hiuge pecx'
How does he/she dress? a big black coat and one red shoe
Mannerisms: always thinks of sex
Health: athletic
Hobbies: sex, sex, sex, sex! As of chapter 14, there are already a whopping 33 sex scenes!
Favorite Sayings: "Mmm... pussy juice!"
Speech patterns: purple prose all the way, along with misspelled words and swearing
Disabilities: dyslexia
Style (Elegant, shabby etc.): trashy
Greatest flaw: abusive to women
Best quality: nothing

Intellectual/Mental/Personality Attributes and Attitudes

Educational Background: school is for squares!
Intelligence Level: A gorilla is smarter than him.
Any Mental Illnesses? Satyriasis (sex mania in males)
Learning Experiences: what learning experiences?
Character's short-term goals in life: pussy juice
Character's long-term goals in life: an eternity's supply of pussy juice
How does Character see himself/herself? the best
How does Character believe he/she is perceived by others? the best
How self-confident is the character? Arrogant is an understatement.
Does the character seem ruled by emotion or logic or some combination thereof? emotion
What would most embarrass this character? losing his member

Emotional Characteristics

-strengths: physical strength, seduction
-weaknesses: what weaknesses? Well, read chapter 70 to find out.

Introvert or Extrovert? EXTROVERT
How does the character deal with anger? raaaahhhhhhhh!
With sadness? sadness is for girls!
With conflict? with his rooster
With change? depends what the change is
With loss? with his rooster
What does the character want out of life? an eternity's supply of pussy juice
What would the character like to change in his/her life? the fact that modern music, religious people, and male homosexuals exist
What motivates this character? women
What frightens this character? fears are for girls!
What makes this character happy? women
Is the character judgmental of others? very
Is the character generous or stingy? generous in giving his rooster
Is the character generally polite or rude? RUDE!

Spiritual Characteristics

Does the character believe in God? ATHEIST
What are the character's spiritual beliefs? atheist
Is religion or spirituality a part of this character's life? no
If so, what role does it play? atheist!

How the Character is Involved in the Story

Character's role in the novel (main character? hero? heroine? Romantic interest? etc.): main character, villain protagonist
Scene where character first appears: Chapter 1

Relationships with other characters:
1. Sakura: -- love interest; he abuses her
2. Taliana: -- other love interest; he also abuses her (and she also turns out to be his mom, but only sort of)
3. Mandy: -- other love interest; and he abuses her too. She is Sakura's clone
4. Madara: -- enemy

 How character is different at the end of the novel from when the novel began: Ronan is now in a sex dimension where he will do it with Sakura for all of eternity. However, in the alternate ending...

Additional Notes on This Character: 
Mary Sue Score: 240 points! (Answered while I was imagining that I'm Jake.)
Litmus test here: http://www.springhole.net/writing/marysue.htm

PS. I'm afraid that Jake might be serious about the story. He's really determined to keep writing and spreading his underage sex and misogynistic propaganda.

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