Thursday, July 05, 2012

One Less Lonely Gurl: Chapter 15

This is insanity.

[Jimmy's Note: Wow. It's been a month since I've updated this blog. I've been so busy lately! Anyway, this commentary will contain mature content. There will be a warning before the mature content appears. On another note, I have a deviantArt account. The link is on the menu bar on top of the site banner. Oh, and yeah. Happy Belated Birthday to this fanfic!]

The next day, as I was on my way to work, I saw Justin with Sandy, a mutant squirrel with a Texas twang who lives in a tree dome. Beside the dome is the submarine he uses for his underwater tours and where he lives when he's here. The submarine has already been fixed and it's all started.

"Oh, hey, C'ren," Justin said. "I'm sorry, but I really have to go back to the land above.

[...because I know that you're insane.]

I asked Sandy here to fix my submarine and make me the chemical that will allow me to breathe underwater. So you see, I'm not even wearing my suit anymore."

[This is insanity.]

I got a bit pissed off

[Actually, she was not just a bit pissed off. She was REALLY pissed off. So much so that she soon became the villain of the fanfic.]

because my plan did not work completely. I wanted Justin so be able to stay underwater for my plans to unfold smoothly.

[...and for many badly-written sex scenes to commence, which, thankfully, do not exist in this fanfic. Of all the trollfics in the world, this is probably the only one, besides Cupcakes, without sex scenes.]

Wait, this is is fish and chips!
Sandy, being a member of SIMS

[actually a shoutout to a video game I play.]

and Chimps, otherwise known as Super-Intelligent Mutant Squirrels and Chimps, was quite a genius and a quick worker.

"But it's okay, C'ren," he said. "I'll be back soon. I really have to finish my world tour schedule. Really, I will have to go back because Ward and I will record some new songs for my first underwater album."

[Now, imagine if this actually happened in real life.]

It does not matter much though in the fulfillment of my plans. If he will come back at a later time, I will be able to do it, and even if he does not, I will find a way to bring him to me.

[Had I continued to write this fic, I will write many badly-written sex scenes such as this: (warning: I suck at writing sex scenes, even as myself. Viower excretion advisd.)

Now, here goes the scene I was planning to write had I continued. This is gonna be long and excruciating, so if you must, skip ahead to the next part of the story in white text and larger font. I am planning a remake of this story, and this scene and all other sex scenes between C'ren and Justin and... C'ren and... take a guess... will NOT be included.

Okay, nice try, pervert, but if you really want to be disgusted, copy-paste the black text below onto your word processing software.

{So, Justin and I were in the kelp forest, walking around, holding each other's soft, delicate, beautiful hands, when suddenly, he took off his top, revealing to my flabbergasted cerulean orbs his golden torso with an abdomen with what seemed like six loaves of bread cascading on heaven's dale. His heavenly body was so much like Edward Cullen's; only his was shimmering with a tan, golden hue instead of Ed's porcelain.
(at this point, I'm already starting to cringe.)
Slowly, I took off my hot pink, frilly short dress that showed off my shapely breasts, flat-as-an-ironing-board
(actually, this describes not only C'ren's midriff, but also the plot of the story itself.)
midriff, and round gluteus maximus. Justin helped me out, caressing every inch of my lithe, perfect body with radiant, fair skin, until all that was left on me was my pink, translucent, lacy brassiere that emphasized my impeccable cleavage and my almost-invisible thong that showcased my...
(You know what? Never mind. This is starting to read like the Spongebob, preppy version of Celebrian. I think I want to stop here or else I'll have to slap 'adult content' on this blog, that is, if adults even deserve to have to cringe like this. I don't even want to get to the part where Justin finally takes off his man-thong. *shudders*)}
Me after attempting to write this scene

SCENE ENDS HERE, well, kinda. Thankfully. Now, back to the commentary.]

 I will still steal the formula from Mr. Krabs because I still need Sheldon for something else...

[As for that other guy C'ren wants to screw... never mind.]

As Justin left Bikini Bottom, I went straight to the Krusty Krab to start my day. But before I was able to get to the boat-shaped counter, Mr. Krabs called me to his office. I was nervous. I felt myself shaking. Perhaps he found out about my plan to steal the Krabby Patty formula.

"Hello," Mr. Krabs said. "Take a seat."

"What is it now, sir?"

"I've seen you visiting the Chum Bucket lately," Mr. Krabs said sternly. "What in Davy Jones's locker is going on?"

"I'm visiting him just to reassure him that he is doing well, when, in fact, he's not. I'm only pretending to be a regular customer, but in fact, I'm actually trying to further crush his already ruined business. It's my job as your loyal employee, along with Bob, to reduce him to tears. And so far, I've been quite successful. When I visited yesterday, I saw him crying and talking to no one but his computer wife," I said insincerely.

Mr. Krabs burst into laughter all of a sudden after I said 'computer wife.' "That sucker! I can't believe he's already starting to give up! And the only one who will ever be there for him is... a COMPUTER... which he programmed!" Mr. Krabs continued to laugh. "That miserable barnaclehead will never, ever have a chance to hear from a real person that he is significant, because no one ever will!"

[This is actually one of the main ideas in Plankton's Eye View.]

I faked my laughter just to go with the flow, when the truth is, that only made me want to strangle Eugene and steal the formula from him. Sure, Sheldon may be evil, but he is only like that because of his failures.


And I will use his failures as a part of my plan.


I will be the first person to tell him that he is important, to be the first to tell him that he can. I can't believe that I even had to apply for a job at his place. Eugene is such a cheapskate that he would actually care more about money and personal gain more than anything else, even his adoptive daughter Pearl!

[True, materialism is a bad thing... and so is being extremely lustful to the point of becoming a possessive, boyfriend-stealing, yandere. Who the hell would actually turn to the life of villainy just to pursue the man of her dreams, who is already with someone else?]

I visited the Chum Bucket again just as I planned. Plankton was 'eating' virtual meat loaf, which, supposedly, is his favorite food. But then, he eats nothing but that everyday that it has come to him that he is fed up with it.

"Why so much ennui in this miserable life?" Sheldon said in despair once again.

"Hi, Sheldon," I said as I went in his restaurant. "I'm going to have a chumstick for take-out."

He gave me the package with the chum stick in it after I handed him a dollar.

"Okay, so I just saw Justin leave Bikini Bottom and he is already able to breathe underwater.

[Thus, finally writing him out of the story as a character... for now.]

Sandy is a pretty quick worker and is also a genius, just like you. Not to mention, she's also tough-"

"Enough affirming her! What about me? I'm just a small, insignificant person who always gets trampled upon-"

"That's just how you see the world. It was your choice to let your failures affect you..."

[This is the one sentence that affected Plankton the most in Plankton's Eye View. This was exactly why he became a bitter failure in life. One life lesson, and I mean it: donut, er, don't... let your failures affect your life to the point that they become big deals. For every failure you have in life, there is always something better waiting ahead, and all you have to do is pursue it, and keep pursuing, but if all that ever happens is disappointment, it is also a fact of life that sometimes, the things we try to master are the ones that elude us the most, and so it's time to find something else that will make us truly happy.. As Billie Joe Armstrong once said, anything that is a success is a series of mistakes. Now, in what other trollfic can you find a genuinely important life lesson? :)]

"Now you're speaking like my wife," Sheldon said angrily. "My wife is Karen with a K and an A, not a C and an apostrophe. Is that understood?"

[Yep, it does kinda seem in this sentence anyway that C'ren HAS feelings for Plankton...]

"But she's a computer. As a human being, and a friend,

[...with benefit...]

I am one of the first few to tell you that you can," I said. "Karen, the computer, is right. Don't give up. The truth is, Mr. Krabs is one of the worst people I have ever met. Sure, he may pay me well, but at the expense of everyone else. But then, if you keep acting like this, you are almost no different from him."

"Why are you even peering into my personal life!" Plankton said angrily.

"Wait, really?" Plankton comtinued as he changed his expression from angry to just a bit better than he usually is. "I can?"

[His resistance to Mary Sue is starting to fade.]

"And since I work in the Krusty Krab after all, I will steal that recipe from Mr. Krabs. No matter what it takes. I need you for something very important."

"For what? It's been a long time since someone ever asked me for help. People see me as a useless person anyway."

"You'll see," I replied. "You can take a break first, and relax. Try to get your mind off your worries for now. I will deal with the formula myself."

[Okay, no rude author's notes! It's a day off for the pink fire extinguisher!]

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