One Less Lonely Gurl: Chapter 14

Seanut Brittle!

[Jimmy's Note: Right next to Chapter 28, this has got to be the most awesome chapter in this fanfic. And hey, I'm halfway there! 14 more chapters to go!]

I saw this car accidentally run into a delivery truck filled with seanut brittle gag toys.

(BLAM!) 

The good thing though is that no one was injured in the accident, but this scene was just downright hilarious.

(The author's notes, though very offensive to some people, are actually more hilarious, come to think of it.) 

I helped them out with cleaning up the scene, and Patrick was there. Yes, that guy with pink hair who never wears a shirt and just walks around in green board shorts with purple flowers on them. 

(Not to mention he does have one heck of a belly. Now, imagine that in human form.)

He was opening up the remaining intact jars of seanut brittle gag toys, only for him to realize over and over again that he is not getting any seanut brittle from those jars but instead, purple springs will just keep coming out of the jars and leave them empty.

(Pranks a Lot!)

After that, I went in the Chum Bucket. It was just as desolate as it was when I first got in there. The walls were still dingy and dusty. Sheldon Plankton was in the computer chamber, talking to Karen, his computer wife as he whines about life as usual. 

(At least this was kept in character.)

I stood by the door and waited for him to finish.

"Ugh... just like any ordinary day... a day without customers," Sheldon said angrily and sadly as he wiped the tears from his 

(goffik)

crimson eyes. 

(Fun Fact: Whenever I write Plankton's Eye View, I still make the mistake of typing 'eyes' when Plankton has only one eye. I had to proofread the chapters several times before uploading them, but I think I still miss some errors.

Since OLLG takes place in a universe where the characters are all human, I decided to give Plankton two eyes to avoid giving anyone a horrific mental image of his human!self, and make him wear clothes to keep the T rating, when in the series, Plankton is pretty much a nudist. This was somewhat averted, however, when it was shown that Plankton's green skin is actually his clothing. Maybe that was done to keep the show kid-friendly. Well, I do have a wild imagination myself, and I've always imagined how the Spongebob characters look like as humans. IF other people have done that as well, Plankton might well be completely nude.)

"What am I to do? Neptune is such a blasted barnacle head 

(Fun fact: There are no land-human swear words in the story itself, excluding the author's notes... I think. I've actually bowdlerized the whole thing, such as replacing instances of goddammit with Neptune-dammit.)

for creating me like this! A short-statured, insignificant, unattractive man 

(Sounds like one of my usual rants about my short stature back when that stupid valley girl jerk told me that no one will ever like me because I'm a very short guy. I'm only 4'10, and if I will stay like this, then whatever. I suppose it's not much of a big deal anyway. Well, she might have a point... But at least I'm man enough to not lie about my ridiculous height! As for the unattractive part, your mileage may vary. Check my picture at the very bottom of the page, just in case you're wondering how I look.

In a way, Plankton might be a [n amazingly coincidental] self-insert considering the fact that my name is James and Plankton's second name is James. I've also never had a girlfriend, and I am a nerd who is lost without his computer [that I do NOT have a romantic relationship with, unless my Amy Lee, Hayley Williams, and Taylor Momsen {with a mix of Green Day, A7x, and MCR.... along with several other rock bands} picture collections count. That would just be crazy.] where he keeps his journals and rants. Unlike him, however, I have no plans to steal the McDonald's Big Mac secret recipe.)

that nobody wants to be around with. All things I plan never work out. They always fail! I've already ran out of ideas. I've used up all the files in my plans from A to ZZ. I give up! Perhaps I should just kill myself! 

(...and I'm actually a very optimistic person.)

The world will be better off without me anyway. It's not that anyone will bow down to someone like me... a failure in life, an underachieving ne'er-do-well."

(This is a [kept in canon] concept that carries over to Plankton's Eye View, and reading this part of the story was what made Plankton himself very bitter. Considering that the theme for that year's Worst Story Contest was parallel universes, it was allowed to use 'real' people, er, sea creatures... for the contest entries. Plankton must have gotten himself a little too involved with this story.)

"Don't give up just yet, honey," Karen said as she patted his back with her robotic hands. "Why not make a plan ZZA and start anew?"

"I've done that for so many times already. I make a plan, I execute the plan, and Mr. Krabs is always there to sabotage my plan. It all boils down to me being given a swirly down the toilet or trampled upon. I'm tired, Karen. I've also tried to start anew and forget about Krabby Patties when I opened up the Chumporium. That was really what I wanted, and I was happy with it. But all Mr. Krabs did was ruin that not-so-evil plan by leading me back to where I always fail at with his convoluted scheme. Deep inside, despite my desperate attempts to renew myself, I always end up with my burning desire to acquire the Krabby Patty formula."

(This is actually the base for the plot of Plankton's Eye View. Who knew I could actually come up with better story ideas from writing badfic on purpose? Well, I gotta admit, this is the most well-written part of this fanfic. This is actually a hint at my writing style and a hint of me starting to give up on this fanfic altogether with a last shot of redeeming this story.)

"Oh, and by the way, is that C'ren by the door? That girl who coincidentally shares with me but with a varied spelling?" Karen said.

(This is another hint at the fact that I'm a troll. At least I spelled C'ren consistently in this fanfic.)

"Hello," Sheldon said as he ran to me eagerly. "What can I do for you, customer?"

"Sorry Sheldon," I said. "I'm actually full right now, but I went here because I need your help."

"You don't need me for that," Sheldon said. "I always bungle at everything anyway. I mean, you're really good at what you do... which is to RUIN my life further! Just the mere Neptune-damn 

(I bowdlerized the word 'goddamn' here, but in contrast with the story, I liberally launch f-bombs like there's no tomorrow in the author's notes.)

fact that you applied for a job at the Krusty Krab drew more customers to his place and left mine unnoticed if not avoided! And you expect me to help you? Sure, you may have a pretty face, but I look beyond just that when it comes to women. 

(At this point, Plankton is now the leading favorite character of most people who read this fanfic.)

Karen is the only woman I will ever love, even if she is, technically, not a woman but a computer, but still. And I meant Karen with a K and an A, not a C and an apostrophe. 

(More amazing [for this fanfic anyway...] words from no other than the canon villain! I actually wrote this line to keep my sanity [or healthy level of insanity] intact..)

Sure, I may be mean to her at times and perhaps I take her for granted, but she is the only one who ever tells me that I can. She's the only one who ever saw my importance at all, if any, or at least assured me that my life has a purpose besides the entertainment of that blasted barnacle head Mr. Krabs. 

(And a somewhat heartwarming line... This is usually how I write romance or love scenes: short and straight to the point. I don't actually go for purple prose like this:

"Her beautiful, perfectly symmetrical, rectangular geometry is what keeps my shattered heart still beating despite the agonizing pain. I may give her a cold shoulder sometimes, but the ethereal shimmer of her platinum framework and the almost lifelike vivacity of the green pixels of her pulchritudinous face sparkle like emeralds against the starless night sky that is just like me: sorrowful, bleak, and hopeless. She was the only one that lit up my nights like the stars that stand out in the darkest of nights, along with the euphony of her voice that soothes my weary soul, reassuring me time and time again that the golden rays of Phoebus will touch the darkest depths of my heart again."

Now, imagine Plankton saying that about Karen.

Anyway, in this chapter, my writing style is already manifesting itself through Plankton's words. Jimmy is already setting in, but Monica had to push him back to continue writing the drivel that will come about soon. Okay, that sounds like something that someone with multiple personality disorder would say, but what I meant was, I already wanted to give up, but I just wasn't ready to come clean yet.)

Where did you get such a silly name anyway?"

(More moments of awesome!)

"I have no idea about that," I replied. 

(See explanation in previous chapter. Warning: Spoilers abound.)

"And it's none of your business. Look, I'm sorry that I applied for a job at the Krusty Krab and attracted more customers to his place, 

(Curse my beauty! One more Mary Sure point!)

but that is just a stepping stone for my bigger plans."

"What plans?" Sheldon asked.

(Run, Sheldon! RUN! She's crazy!)

"No one should know about that for now," I said. "My plan will unravel when the time is right. But for now, I need your help with making a chemical that will help Justin breathe underwater. He is an important catalyst for the fulfillment of the Master Plan. I'm succeeding so far, because Justin has finally ditched Selena for me. He said so himself. I can't believe it. He cheated on her."

(But C'ren is happy that he did. Slut!)

"Why would I do that?" Sheldon said. "He set you up for a date in the Krusty Krab and not my place. Besides, he never even bought anything from me. Also, about that time when you bought a chum stick from me, I can sense that you're just lying to me so that I'll feel better. But I'm not feeling any better at all! So why should I do that, you liar? Answer me!"

(Even more moments of awesome...)

"If you help me with this, I will find a way to steal the Krabby Patty formula from Mr. Krabs," I said. 

(She's just using you!)

I know that this is the only way to convince Sheldon to help me out.

(In other words, C'ren using her powers of seduction on Plankton, and failing horribly.)

[AN: Thanks for the help. I could use that information next time I type a word with the accent e. Testing... resumé. It works! I type on a windows computer, by the way. Lotsaluv from Monica.]

(This is the only non-offensive author's note here. And I'm actually amazed that someone would answer that question in the middle of a flame war going on between me and my reviewers.)