Friday, April 27, 2012

One Less Lonely Gurl: Chapter 1

That explains a lot.
[AN: I donut own this spongebob thiny. dis is just a fanfic OK!]

When I wrote the first sentence of this fanfic, the author's note, I took into mind to write in text speak when I usually don't. That is part of the challenge.

It wuz

(Jimy wuz here!)


(bring on the saxophones!)

an ordnary day when I dove deep into the dark azure hue

Yes, this guy plays jazz guitar too.
(Bring on the purple prose! At this point, I already dropped a small hint about my troll-ness when I used 'into' correctly. FYI, in is used for stationary position and into is for motion. Come to think about it, this part of the sentence after 'ordnary' is surprisingly gramatically correct...)

of hte ocean.

(...or maybe not. The typo here is actually intentional. Remember, I am posting the unedited version of this. I've done my best to not correct any errors here when I usually am a Grammar Nazi.)

I was tasked to gether some samples of some rare, newly-discovered specimen of coral reefs to send back to the lab for furhter examination. As you can see, I am a marine biologist.

(Wait, what? 'Some' redundancy here. I actually agree with what someone said when he reviewed a parody story of this fanfic where there were characters reading my fanfic. If Monica actually exists and if she is actually fucking serious about this, that's it. I have lost all faith in humanity. But on the other hand, I actually thought that parody fanfic was funny. Read it here. Oh, and yeah, I was a troll, but what does Christianity have to do with this? Care to explain?)

"See, nowhere in the Bible or in the Christian history says that God will give us the ability of changing our pupils, neither grow wings (believe, the idea that when we die we become angels is not a Christian one) add the fact of many Mary Sue tropes and then we have a high probability of being a trollfic written by someone with less grasp of Christianity than the writers of To Aru Majitsu index, (if not, God forgive me, but I still think it is.)"
-The Review

But then...

what I thought was the tip of a huge coral reef... I discovered Atlantis.

(This is an incoherent sentence! And very anticlimactic at that. At this point, if I were to rewrite this, I would have written it as such: But then, when I thought I was about to gather coral reefs, I just knew that I will discover something even greater when I saw this coral that is even more unusual than the ones that my boss is asking me to gather some samples of. ...)

It was shiny anf oh so beautiful. It's huge.

(I noticed how shiny and uncannily huge this 'coral reef' was. It turns out this isn't just an ordinary day after all. From outside, I heard some strange voices that sounded so human-like. I heard thousands of voices from this coral reef. I looked around to see if there are other people in the depths of these seas where I am, but I was completely alone. All that was with me were sea creatures, so many different types of fish that swam the oceans, living their lives as usual. I decided to call my boss and report this new discovery, but my phone suddenly lost its signal and turned off. No, it's not because of the waters. As a marine biologist, I am provided with a waterproof phone.)

So I wanted to dive deepter into the murky waters to get to see if I was right, if this IS indeed Atlantis./

(Not part of the rewrite, but I didn't remove the slash at the end of this sentence. As part of the challenge, I did not look back and correct any typos no matter how ridiculous they are.)

Fortunately, the neon sign isn't this one.
And yes, it is. A huge neon sign lured me to the the deep which ewas ebony black background...
(... continuation of rewrite... That's it. Things are getting really strange by now. I decided then to dive even deeper and get to the bottom of this, figuratively and literally. All of a sudden, I saw nothing but the darkness. I felt like I was floating in empty air because I don't even feel the pressure of the water on me anymore. In the middle of the black nothingness, I suddenly saw a neon sign light up before my eyes, and as the letters seemed to form one by one, so did everything else around me. Everything was bright once more, and I have just discovered more than merely a new species of coral reef. I was simply amazed by what I saw, as if I just got warped to a whole new world under the sea in which no man has ever set foot on before.)

and it says "welcome to Atlantis."

(How exciting! Yeah right. Yay dramatic pauses!)

I was right. I wonder what is in here...

(Excited for chapter 2 yet? Not me. But perhaps if you are here to read my commentaries and how this challenge is somewhat driving me, James, insane, maybe you are excited to continue to join me in ridiculing this godawful fanfic. On the other hand, if you are here out of curiosity, you might be bored by now.)

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