One Less Lonely Gurl: Chapter 16

[ERRATUM: In chapter 15, 'comtinued' is supposed to be 'continued.']

 

(I was just too lazy to go and change it. Well, a troll's gotta be a troll, right?)

In the following days, I noticed that Mr. Krabs has been acting differently. He's being a little too nice lately by giving me twice the pay I receive when he's usually a cheapskate. I have no idea at all why he's doing this. Just yesterday, he reprimanded me for visiting the Chum Bucket regularly. Eugene is one heck of a weirdo bipolar...

 

(Just like everyone else in this trollfic.)

After work, he called me over to his office. Bob went ahead to home, as usual, tired from a day's work. He still has to feed his pet snail Gary.

 

(Kept in canon.)

One Less Lonely Gurl: Chapter 15

This is insanity.

[Jimmy's Note: Wow. It's been a month since I've updated this blog. I've been so busy lately! Anyway, this commentary will contain mature content. There will be a warning before the mature content appears. On another note, I have a deviantArt account. The link is on the menu bar on top of the site banner. Oh, and yeah. Happy Belated Birthday to this fanfic!]

The next day, as I was on my way to work, I saw Justin with Sandy, a mutant squirrel with a Texas twang who lives in a tree dome. Beside the dome is the submarine he uses for his underwater tours and where he lives when he's here. The submarine has already been fixed and it's all started.

"Oh, hey, C'ren," Justin said. "I'm sorry, but I really have to go back to the land above.

[...because I know that you're insane.]

I asked Sandy here to fix my submarine and make me the chemical that will allow me to breathe underwater. So you see, I'm not even wearing my suit anymore."

[This is insanity.]

One Less Lonely Gurl: Chapter 14

Seanut Brittle!

[Jimmy's Note: Right next to Chapter 28, this has got to be the most awesome chapter in this fanfic. And hey, I'm halfway there! 14 more chapters to go!]

I saw this car accidentally run into a delivery truck filled with seanut brittle gag toys.

(BLAM!) 

The good thing though is that no one was injured in the accident, but this scene was just downright hilarious.

(The author's notes, though very offensive to some people, are actually more hilarious, come to think of it.) 

I helped them out with cleaning up the scene, and Patrick was there. Yes, that guy with pink hair who never wears a shirt and just walks around in green board shorts with purple flowers on them. 

(Not to mention he does have one heck of a belly. Now, imagine that in human form.)

He was opening up the remaining intact jars of seanut brittle gag toys, only for him to realize over and over again that he is not getting any seanut brittle from those jars but instead, purple springs will just keep coming out of the jars and leave them empty.

(Pranks a Lot!)

One Less Lonely Gurl: Chapter 13

Yup, the Earth is heliocentric.

[Jimmy's Note: There are actually things I forgot to explain in this fanfic such as the stuff I was still supposed to write had I not given up on this fanfic.]

The next day, I told Justin that I cannot go with him and that I will have less time for him for the meantime because I will create the chemical that will allow him to breathe underwater. Justin, after all, is just a small

(Pun NOT intended.) 

but important part of my plan. Having him fall for me is just an additional point for the fulfillment of the things I am supposed to do. I know pretty darn well that the world does not revolve around him. The world revolves around the sun,

(That's true, but your actions say otherwise.) 

so that means there is more to life than just him.

I applied for a job at the Krusty Krab as the fry cook so that I can be with Bob.

(That didn't come out quite right...)

One Less Lonely Gurl: Chapter 12

Just add candles.

[Jimmy's Note: The fanfic has recently been deleted. Thankfully, I was able to preserve all my reviews in screenshot form. Yes, I'm that crazy.]

As both of us went in the Krusty Krab, we both signed autographs for the people who were eating there while Justin's bodyguards helped us keep secure. Mr. Krabs went out of his office and politely escorted us to our table which looked like it had been reserved for us. It was on a raised platform, had a white tablecloth, and on top of it were pink roses in a crystal vase. There were also three scented candles with different shades of pink on top of the table,

(Nope, the candles are on top of the chairs, and little did C'ren and Justin know that their butts would get burnt. Oh, wrong story!)

but not near enough the roses to burn them.

(We get it. Everything is pink [or white] for C'ren. But with Ebony, everything is All Black.)

Bikini Bottom actually has a special form of flame they discovered long ago in their history that was resistant to water but can be extinguished easily by enclosing it in a container just like normal land fires.

(Real explanation: Bikini Atoll (where the show is located, not Atlantis as in this fanfic...) has four vents a few miles away. This could make fire underwater possible. -Spongebob Wiki)

Also, the underwater flames

(Geddit? Flames? Reviewers?)

do not really grow very big.

(But in this fanfic, they did.)

One Less Lonely Gurl: Chapter 11

Yup, I'll be moving soon.

[Jimmy's Note: I've said in the eleventh chapter of my current fanfic some time ago that I'm going to be on hiatus for a while because I'll be moving to a new apartment soon. But I decided to take a break from packing my stuff and post one last blog entry here before I change my address.]

The truth is,

(This fanfic was never serious at all. Oh wait, that's for 17 chapters later!)

I actually snuck back in the silence of the early morning after the concert to the engine room of the submarine and dismantled the engines so that I can stop Justin from going back up to the land.

(Bonko!)

That's because I want him to stay with me here and help me with my plans.

(Dun dun dun dun...)

You have got to be kidding me.

One Less Lonely Gurl: Chapter 10

A room in an awesome underwater hotel in Istanbul.

Backstage, Justin has an awesome pad (a submarine) where he could freely take off his underwater breathing helmet. It had beautiful views of the fish freely swimming about, the coral reefs of different colors, and the waters that were as blue as my eyes.

(The eye comparison ruined an otherwise good description of the sea.)

"Say, are you C'ren Amethyst?" he asked. "That girl who actually won an Olympic medal for swimming? That girl who shares my last name? How in hell can you even hold your breath underwater without needing a helmet?"

(One logic point for Justin!)

"No idea," I replied. "I just discovered this cool power when I first submerged myself in a pool, back when I first took swimming lessons."

(When you are dreaming, chances are you'll dream about superpowers. The most common one is the ability to fly.)

One Less Lonely Gurl: Chapter 9

See?

As soon as we got to the Justin Bieber concert, the entire stadium was already filled and the technical crew are setting up the props for the show. Pearl, the tall, blonde girl with gray eyes

(Pearl's eyes are actually blue.)

who is wearing a pink dress, called us over.

I was so excited because we were so close to the stage.

(I felt the same way about that A7x concert. I was also so close to the stage. Well, not until the awesome mosh pit pushed me there!)

Ever since I've heard of Justin Bieber, I have always dreamt about him every night and even just to meet him.

(This is actually a reference to the fact that some fans can get obsessed with any celebrity to the point that their lives revolve around said celebrity.)

Maybe that is the emptiness I still am feeling despite the fact that I have done a lot of things at the tender age of eighteen and survived a horrible past in such a short time that seemed to me like a million years.

One Less Lonely Gurl: Chapter 8

[Jimmy's Note: Monica's AN is actually longer than the chapter itself. :D (wait, wrong emoticon!)]

When I left the Chum bucket,

(where 'Bucket' should have been capitalized too because it is part of a compound proper noun...)

Bob and I met along the way to the Justin Bieber concert we will go to later.

One Less Lonely Gurl: Chapter 7

As soon as we got to the Krustry Krab, all eyes were on me again and everyone dropped their patties, mouth agape.

(Mary Sue trait: when everyone stops what they are doing just to look at her and admire her beauty)

So did that grumpy-looking guy with very short, light blue hair and a big nose at the counter.

(Squidward.)

You have got to be kidding me.

Elsewhere: This Blog's Name

Troll's Eye View: The Book

I went on to randomly Googling my blog's name, Troll's Eye View, to see what would come out. I discovered that my website actually shares names with a book.

Coincidentally, just like my blog that tells a story from the point of view of a former internet troll (considered to be the 'villain' of the internet), this book tells stories from the point of view of the antagonists. I'm also working on a story told from the point of view of an antagonist, Sheldon James Plankton (who coincidentally shares names with me, and also coincidentally, James Sullivan, James Durbin, Michael James Way, Zachary James Baker, and St. Jimmy. Oh, and Harry Potter's dad, too.)

Yeah, James is an awesome name. :)

Anyway, I firmly believe that no one is born entirely evil or good, and that life is just infinite shades of gray. I live with the principle of doing my best to see what is good in everything and the bad in even the most 'perfect' of Mary Sues. This belief system is very similar to what is being presented in this book, which I might consider reading someday.

Plankton

Ever since I was a kid, I've always been fascinated with villains and why they almost always lose. I've always seemed to understand that villains don't really just do things for the evulz. Even if the story itself would say that they are just evil by nature, I don't actually believe in things and people being naturally evil. (Yes, even insanity counts as a logical motive for being evil, therefore, s/he isn't innately evil. Insanity, in turn, has to be caused by something traumatic that must have happened in the past.)


Fun Fact: This is my third post that doesn't have a jump link.

One Less Lonely Gurl: Chapter 6

Great. Now I want one.

I woke up in the middle of the night after such a horrible nightmare and I panted heavily, as if I had just finished a marathon.

"What's wrong? Are you okay?" Bob said as he rushed up to the room to give me some hot cocoa.

(Wait a minute... how did Bob hear her pant heavily if he was downstairs? Oh well, fuck logic.)

"Oh, nothing," I replied. "I just had a horrible, horrible dream... something about my past."

"Just drink this, because in a few hour's time, I have to get to work at the Krusty Krab. If you want, I can take you there and you can try the most delicious food of all the world: the legendary Krabby Patty,

(I was tempted to replace 'Krabby Patty' with 'burger', but I decided not to push through with it. This fanfic would be much worse if I actually did so.)

which I make.

(At least this was kept in canon.)

One Less Lonely Gurl: Chapter 5

"Maltreated and abused? Look, Cinderella!" -one of my reviews

[Jimmy's Note: In the legendary words of Tara Gilesbie, viower excretion advisd. This has got to be one of the most offensive chapters of One Less Lonely Gurl.]

 As I went up to the bedroom, I drifted off to sleep right away. I don';t

(I was tempted to get rid of the damned semicolon here, but part of the badfic challenge is to not look back and edit.)

give a damn about the land above anymore. I want to stay here for the rest of my life. That's because, back in the land, I was maltreated and abused by my own family.

(Boo hoo.)

I felt so alone back there.

(Really? How about the men who worship the ground you walk on? Quit complaining, bitch!)

Sue Profile 003: Ebony Way

Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way

What better way to celebrate the 10th post special of this blog than to have a character profile for the most infamous fanfic character ever? Meet Ebony Way, the infamous ultimate-Mary-Sue of the Harry Potter trollfic we have all come to love/hate, the legendary My Immortal. See for yourself the epic abuse of the English language from awful grammar down to hilarious misspellings, the compelling plot that seems to be the perfect parody of teenage angst as presented by the media, and the troll's wild sense of humor!

Ebony is the mother of all Mary Sues out there, and One Less Lonely Gurl's C'ren Bieber is actually one of her descendants who, shamefully, became a prep in an attempt to rebel against the norm that Mary Sues are usually 'goffs.' (This is actually a slight giveaway that I'm a troll all along and that I'm also a misfit in society and school even if I pretended to hate on them in One Less Lonely Gurl.)

Many, including myself, have tried to tried to imitate, reach, and surpass the legendary status of My Immortal, but none have succeeded as of yet. Thus far, this fanfic stays the stuff of legends and so does this character who looks surprisingly gorgeous and creepy at the same time in my fan art and interpretation of her. She can't get any more goffik than this!

Presenting... the awesomeness that is... Enoby!!!

One Less Lonely Gurl: Chapter 4

[AN: who the hell is Ebony and why the heck am I even like her? She's an emo fag. I hate emo's. 

(Monica's prejudice against anyone who isn't like her makes her like Ebony in a way, only she hates goffs, while Ebony hates preps.)

Yup, that's me. I look like a girl.

I love rainbows and I hate rock songs. 

(I like rainbows AND rock songs!)

I simply hate that dark stuff. Goths, punks, and emo's creep me out. 

(Quite the opposite actually. These people are actually nicer than they look and are often misunderstood. That very misunderstanding is actually the very reason why Todd wrote My Immortal. He used it as an outlet for his anger.)

I'm blonde, I like pink, and I love Hilary Duff! She's one of the best singers ever! Justin Bieber is ah-dorable!]

(I have black hair [see picture of me at the upper right], I like hot pink, and I'm not really that crazy about Hilary Duff. heck, I don't even know even a single song by her. This is actually a My Immortal reference because Ebony hates Hilary Duff. Justin Bieber is ah-dorable? Maybe for rabid fangirls, but not me. I'm just neutral about him... Well, I used to be a hater, but I soon got over it. 
Fun fact: The picture of Monica that I used for my profile pic back then is actually an awful picture of me that I photoshopped to have long, blonde hair with pink and green streaks just like C'ren's/Avril's. That was when I realized that I could actually pass as a girl, also considering my ridiculously short stature of 4'10. Just add fake breasts and butt enhancer. Now on to the story, right after the jump link!) 

One Less Lonely Gurl: Chapter 2

Monica's reaction to this will be worth gold.

From down the iridescent

(I love Linkin Park! This is already a dead giveaway that I'm not serious about this fanfic at all, although it is true in a sense that the coral reef emits an iridescent light.)

light of the 'coral reef' I discovered came the ebony darkness,

(Dementia Raven Way. Yes this is a reference to her. That and the fact that she also likes Linkin Park.)

 anf from the darkness came a bright, flashing light from the neon sign

(which unfortunately didn't electrocute her. SPOILER WARNING: but when just dreaming, fuck logic.)

that led me to the inner depths ot the 'coral reef'. This is a most fascinating discovery that I have looked at through my cerulean orbs surrounded with abundadnt lashes.

(Cerulean orbs with abundadnt lashes. I resisted the urge to just say it as 'blue eyes with long eyelashes'  to convey the same message because describing her appearance in cheesy purple prose is part of the challenge. A little piece of advice: when it comes to poetically describing eyes, leave that to songwriting and poetry. Examples: 'hazel green tint eyes' as in Warmness on the Soul and 'crystal blue disguise' as in Save Me, both songs by Avenged Sevenfold.)

One Less Lonely Gurl: Chapter 1

That explains a lot.

[AN: I donut own this spongebob thiny. dis is just a fanfic OK!]

When I wrote the first sentence of this fanfic, the author's note, I took into mind to write in text speak when I usually don't. That is part of the challenge.

It wuz

(Jimy wuz here!)

jazz

(bring on the saxophones!)

an ordnary day when I dove deep into the dark azure hue

Yes, this guy plays jazz guitar too.

(Bring on the purple prose! At this point, I already dropped a small hint about my troll-ness when I used 'into' correctly. FYI, in is used for stationary position and into is for motion. Come to think about it, this part of the sentence after 'ordnary' is surprisingly gramatically correct...)

of hte ocean.

(...or maybe not. The typo here is actually intentional. Remember, I am posting the unedited version of this. I've done my best to not correct any errors here when I usually am a Grammar Nazi.)